n3rd.org

Occasionally people ask me why I even bother to blog. Why, they wonder, do I spend so many hours of my life on this website? Isn’t there something a little more useful I could do with my time?

Okay, that’s a complete lie. Nobody ever asks that.

But they might as well. Why indeed? I do not have any illusions as to the number of people who actually read this. If it’s more than five plus the occasional Google victim, I’d be surprised. But that is irrelevant, this isn’t about publicity, it is for my own joy that I do this. I do it because I like to distinguish myself (as pathetic as the attempt may be) and because having a blog is good way to encourage yourself to practice your writing. It’s an end in itself, not my means to fame.

And yet, the question remains. Truth be told, blogs like mine are exactly the kind of things I bitch about on a regular basis. It’s fairly generic, probably quite unimaginative and full of pointless stuff that nobody other than me really cares for – precisely the sort of website the world doesn’t need more of.
But while I do put my unsolicited opinions out there, I try to do so in an unobtrusive fashion. I do not advertise this site other than linking to it on my last.fm and Facebook profile (of which the latter is only visible to people who already know me, so that doesn’t even count), and I try not to molest anybody with that obnoxious “read my blog, dammit!” attitude. For now I’m perfectly content with the little niche I have on the web, and if the organic growth I secretly hope for holds off and this blog once again disappears in the vast desert of meaninglessness from which it came, so be it.

But maybe, just maybe the things I write here will help someone fend off his or her boredom for a little while or may even turn out to be useful to future visitors. Who knows, stranger things have happened. It’s the blessing and the curse of the internet: I’m free to write and share whatever I want, just as you are free to ignore it. Let’s meet half way.

Today’s entry was supposed to be about my new computer but in the light of recent events I decided to postpone that for a few days.

During my first year in the States back in 1997 I stayed at two host families, in the first one I had a host sister named Lisa. We got along okay (though I wouldn’t say we were friends) and I haven’t talked to her since I left. Nonetheless was I shocked when a few days ago my friend Iris told me that Lisa Morgan got shot. She survived, but her fiancee died.
Horrible tragedies like this happen almost every day but it usually isn’t until somebody you know is involved that it really gets to you. Two years ago Sandy Edmiston, a friend of mine from Westminster, died in a rock climbing accident. It was the first time in my life that somebody I knew passed away unexpectedly. We were not particularly close but she was an incredibly smart, beautiful and witty girl full of life and one of the most committed and open minded person I had the privilege of meeting. If there is such a thing as fate it certainly wasn’t fair to her.

I consider myself very lucky for never having lost a close family member or a longtime friend and I barely even remember the last time I went to a funeral. Put crudely, dealing with death is a skill one has to acquire, a skill that I probably still lack. So when the time comes I don’t know how I will cope. That’s a question that only life can answer and I hope it will take its time doing so.

Some things blossom, some things die… and some things just fester until some day they come back from the unholy depths of the internet and torture you with bad metaphors.

As you will probably not know, I failed rather miserably at that whole blogging thing (I wanted to say “spectacularly”, but that’s the exact opposite of what happened).
Nonetheless, I decided to give it another go – from a slightly different angle this time: instead of going for the whole journal/diary thing, I am trying to focus on less, but more fleshed out posts. I also have a few other things in mind that I want to realize on this site, but with my diploma thesis chasing me around, that may not happen till spring. (It’s always good not to set your own goals too high and make up excuses ahead of time. That way you don’t disappoint yourself. Yay.)

In any case, wish me luck (all two of you who’re reading this) and if anything, you can follow my MP3 playlist in the recently played box to the right. And it’s fully automated, too, so even I can’t screw that one up. Now isn’t that something.